Sunday, October 2, 2011

Skinned (1)

I breathe in, bringing in the crackling, humid air into my system. I feel my chest rise and fall with every inhale and exhale. I am unfamiliar with myself. Who am I? What have I become? It's very tiring listening to these constant repeated and clichéd sayings—the questioning of radical doubt.
            I was depressed. Even worse, I was – excuse my language—depressing as a piece of shit on the side of the road, under the pouring rain. The clock strike 12:07 morning and I was still sitting, slouching, slumped on my bed, covered with papers and books that have anchored me down to an abyss.
Still breathing, I realize I couldn’t do much. I was as good as nothing. But in times where I feel down and there’s nowhere to go, I talk to the one person who understands me the best.
            Ironically, I talk to myself.
As bizarre as it seems, talking –or rather, whispering—to myself, and answering my own questions under the darkness helps illuminate the path. It helps me rehabilitate. My own ability to answer my own questions calms me down because I know that my problems—moral, emotional, psychological—can be approached. I am able to take control of my own life. It helps me sleep at night. 

Friday, April 29, 2011

(4) That I Would Be Good

Listening to this song reminds me of how much I truly love Alanis. She's a lyrical genius and a very inspirational artist. This song was the first that honestly had my soul quivering. After all these years, it still has the same effect on me.


That I Would Be Good by Alanis Morissette
That I would be good
Even if I did nothing
That I would be good
Even if I got the thumbs down

That I would be good
If I got and stayed sick
That I would be good
Even if I gained ten pounds

That I would be fine
Even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good
If I lost my hair and my youth

That I would be great
If I was no longer queen
That I would be grand
If I was not all knowing

That I would be loved
Even when I numb myself
That I would be good
Even when I'm overwhelmed

That I would be loved
Even if I was fuming
That I would be good
Even if I was clinging

That I would be good
Even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
Whether with or without you

Sunday, April 24, 2011

(3) Pickup Truck

This is technically not week three. It's sad, honestly, that I can't keep my word on something so simple as posting music every week. I should try harder.
Well this song is one of my favorites. I listen to the Kings of Leon everytime I turn on my iPod. They are the Kings. Now and forever. You can be expecting to find most of my weekly lyrics from the Kings of Leon. This would be the first.
This song is very mellow and if you hear it enough, it tells a story. Pickup Truck has a different feel in comparison to some of their other songs. It's from their fifth album, Come Around Sundown, and I think the album is wonderful. Some of my favorite songs right now come from this album, Pickup Truck being one of them


Pickup Truck by Kings of Leon
Hate to be so emotional
I didn't aim to get physical
But when he pulled in and revved it up
I said, "You call that a pickup truck?"
And in the moonlight I threw him down
Kicking, screaming and rolling around
A little piece of a bloody tooth
Just so you know I was thinking of you
Just so you know

Saturday, April 23, 2011

That Feeling

It's sickens my stomach, that feeling, when you can feel so alone in a sea of people. The noise is up to your neck, but all you hear is silence. You send blank stares into the open and no one gives a damn. Your troubles, literally, are invisible. But something in you is hoping that no one will come up, hoping that no one would say "hey". You hope no one will ask you how you're feeling. Because somewhere inside you, you like the peacefulness of the still silence. No disturbance. And for a while, until reality knocks, you're frozen in time watching everyone rush pass you. Your breathing slows down. And your blank stares turn into daydreams.

It's weird, the feeling, watching someone slip away and run off to someone else. You've always loved the innocent crushes you've had on them because you know they'll never know what you're thinking. You hold them tightly to your grasp that never took hold. A touch you haven't felt. But when you watch them in the arms of someone else, you are immobilized. They feel safe together, and you can do nothing but watch in pain. At least for a while. Soon enough, all your feelings for them would have disappeared as easily as a leaf escaping from a branch in the fall. Time moves on, and so do you. Acceptance dives in and start swimming in your veins. But still, in your mind, you don't know whether it's making you stronger, or numbing you from existence.

It's sad, that feeling, when you're so vulnerable and no one knows. Your hands shake violently under your long, tear-drenched sleeves. Your face turns red from pain, from exhaustion, from all the heavy tears you've had to carry. Spending nights with worries laying right beside you in bed, spending the day with total anxiety. You're shaken and disturbed and no one sees. All they can see is the smile you've successfully plastered on your face. A fear to look up, you spend the day looking down onto the floor, sensing your eyes well up with the tears you've come to embrace. You never want to reach a breaking point, because once you've found it, everything else starts to fall apart with it.

No Worries..?

Well I haven't been very loyal to my own blog. This is definitely not the first time of my inconsistency in writing on this blog.
I apologize.
Lots of things have been going on my mind lately. That sounds like a poor excuse. Honestly, I think having dense thoughts is what had me write some of my best pieces I've ever written. Not this time.
I'm trying to write acceptably and trying not to sound, in any way, cliche about anything. And I apologize if I do.
One of the things I've been doing, I've been trying to juggle different tasks and priorities. My AP World mock exam is coming up and I'm trying to study as much as I possibly can in the next three days. But at the same time, I don't know shit of what's going on in my math class. I'm trying to study and get extra help on that as well, but with the AP exam getting so close, I just can't find the time to study anything.
Well, I'm trying to find a new way to let my thoughts out, let my mind breathe every now and then. What better way than this blog, right?
I'll try not to hold back on my writing. I realized the more I restrain my thoughts in writing, the more restless my mind will eventually become.

- Nabila

Sunday, March 13, 2011

(2) Blackbird

So I'm a huge fan of anything by The Beatles. Yesterday, I was watching nerimon (also a huge fan of it) and he brought up one of their songs into his YouTube video. Also, this song was in Across the Universe and it was sung quite nicely by Lucy (Evan Rachel Wood).
Because I mentioned the movie, I thought to post her version of the song. It's just as good as the original


Blackbird by The Beatles; Cover by Across the Universe
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Saturday, March 5, 2011

(1) More

This song is one of those songs that I don't really listen to that often, but after a certain time, you long to listen to it again. It's called More by Tyrone Wells. I found this song while watching one of the My Sister's Keeper trailer and I fell in love with the artist.


More by Tyrone Wells
I see the great heights
Reminding me, I'm alive
I don't want to die
I don't want to waste another day or night
I know there's something more

Friday, February 11, 2011

Lyrics of the Week

I'm starting a new thing called:

And it's pretty self explanatory. Every week, I'll try to get some lyrics that are meaningful, or interesting and post them up. I'll also add the music onto here as well.

If you have any suggestions on which lyrics I should consider posting up on here, please let me know :)

- Nabila

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Half Nelson

So I watched the movie Half Nelson last night, and honestly, there are no words to explain how absolutely beautiful the movie was.
The movie somehow crept into the deepest part of me and played with all sorts of emotions. Dan Dunne (Ryan Gosling), who plays the protagonist, was the character that broke my heart in half. Ryan Gosling plays a middle school teacher who is addicted to heavy drugs, and this conflicts with his life in more ways than one when a student finds out about his secret obssession.
In all honesty, Dan Dunne is the most profound and heart-breaking character that I have ever seen on film. He is so real, despite that he's fictional; I feel like Dan Dunne exists and is walking on this Earth, vulnerable like everyone else. Gosling is absolutely talented and can convince you of his character. He doesn't need to say a word and his eyes can illustrate his emotions. Truly, he is one of the greatest actor of his generation.

I also adored the soundtrack. The music set all the right moods to each and every scene. I have some songs from the soundtrack on my iPod, and listening to that alone can slow my heartbeat. The Broken Social Scene is a Canadian indie band that are featured in the movie's soundtrack and they have become one of my most favorite bands. Some of their songs are largely instrumental, but I think they are the most powerful ones.

This is the most deep and heart-dropping scene from the whole movie. Honestly, there are no words to describe this beautifully crafted film


Wednesday, January 26, 2011


... is something I don't have a lot of.
Take this blog space for example. None. Whatsoever.
I guess it's safe to say that writing on this blog space more often is a good year's resolution.